I reworked most of the dialogue on this page. I feel like it works a lot better now. It was kind of cheesy before; now Mathida’s emotional arc runs more smoothly. In the earlier version she went from vaguely accusatory to quietly reflective. Now she transitions more smoothly. I’d tell you what adjective I’m thinking of for her on this version of this page, but I don’t want to influence your perception.
I have a vague worry that I’m not communicating everything clearly enough, and I want to talk about what I think about pages and what I was aiming for and how well you think I accomplished it and what suggestions you have for making things clearer, but I also want to see how well I put all of the pieces together and allow you to experience the story yourself. If I tell you what I’m thinking, you might adopt my stance. And then we’ll never know if the whole story would have been readable if I hadn’t explained everything as I went. But not sharing is hard. I know a lot more about my characters than I’ve told you yet, and I’m excited about them but I can’t share! I have to let the story unfold.
I keenly await the day that spoilers won’t be spoilers any more and we can talk about how everything went together and what worked/didn’t work. Until then, I’ll do my best to hold be tongue and let you form your own conclusions.